Stories: Tools for Coping
Rose Owens
The gift of a story is one way to share tools that
may help individuals cope with their emotions.
These emotions sometimes seem to overwhelm us as we are confronted by
death, divorce, anger, abuse, violence, teasing. Within any environment are individuals who
already need these tools and individuals who may need them at some time in the
future. A tool that is never given can never be
used. We all are affected by the
emotional forces that surround us—we need to be given tools to cope with those
forces.
It was three weeks before Christmas. The mother of two young boys had committed
suicide. The day before the funeral I
was invited to tell stories to the younger boy and his classmates. What stories would I tell?
The
I had been asked to substitute in a
2nd grade class for emotionally disturbed students. They had experienced much frustration and
teasing in their short lives. They were
struggling to cope. What stories did
these children need?
One story is not a miracle drug to magically resolve a crisis. A storyteller is not a healer with miracles in a magic bag. The storyteller is an individual who has a story to share. This story may have been selected carefully because it has wisdom imbedded in it; however, the role of the storyteller is not to provide therapy or moralize. The storyteller's role is to simply offer the gift, allowing the listeners to participate in the power of the story and choose what they will receive and internalize.
The process of selecting stories
with embedded “inner wisdom”—the stories that will provide inner tools for
coping is not a simple process. It
involves reading and telling many different stories. Myths and traditional folktales are good
sources for stories with this inner wisdom because they have powerful metaphors
which allow each listener to take from the story the message his heart needs to
hear.
“Ma Ling and the Magic Brush” (a folk tale
from
·
Believe in yourself.
·
Don’t allow others to limit your choices.
·
When one plan doesn’t work, try another plan.
·
How hard you are willing to work is more important than how much money
or influence you have.
·
Doing the best you can with what you have brings rewards.
·
We should help others.
·
Keep your promises even when it is difficult.
·
Wealth and power does not guarantee happiness.
The storyteller’s role is to offer the gift of story—not
explain what the story means. Trying to
impart the same bits of wisdom that are embedded in a story using a “lecture
format” can be like
turning off a light switch. I have seen
and felt the wall go up between my middle school students (12-15 year olds) and
myself when I attempted to discuss a sensitive issue. But when I tell them a story, I feel them
relax and settle into the story. There
is no stress—no expectations. Each
listener is free to take the piece of wisdom that “speaks” to his personal need or to
simply enjoy the story. Stories with
“inner wisdom” should help the listener conclude that people can figure out how
to make their lives better. People
(both storytellers and listeners) have a tendency to choose the stories
that speak to experiences they have had and are trying to work out or world
experiences they need to understand.
My middle school students were trying to make sense
of the
I brought in a bundle of sticks and allowed the
students to act out a portion of “The Bundle of Sticks.” Through the story, I offered the hidden
wisdom. People need to stick
together. When we tear each other down,
we weaken our group. We can accomplish
more when we work together as a group .
The students listened intently as I told “The King’s
Hawk,” the story of a
young ruler who impulsively kills his hawk.
He has rewarded his hawk’s loyalty with death, but it is too late. What he has done in anger cannot be undone.
In “The Story Spirits,” the story spirits plot
revenge. This story was given to open
the possibility of discussing revenge.
Is revenge justified? Is revenge
is an acceptable solution if a wrong has been committed?
Although I offered the opportunity for discussion
after each story, on this day my middle school students chose to simply
listen. I don’t know if any hidden
wisdom was internalized on that day. My
role was simply to offer the gift of story.
The process of growing up can be a
complex process. Children need to learn how to handle anger—both
their own and the anger of others. When
I had the opportunity to tell a story to a 2nd grade class for
emotionally disturbed children, I chose to tell the story of Mucky Moose who
demonstrates an inner strength that allows him to ignore the teasing of
others. I did not need to moralize or
“tell” these students how they should act if someone teases them. They were already dealing with these issues
on a daily basis. But when I simply told
the story of Mucky Moose, these young listeners were able to relate to Mucky Moose and how he
controlled anger. The gift of a story
may allow listeners to assimilate models and ideas they need in their own
lives.
When a storyteller tells a story, the audience is
composed of many individuals, each one accepting the story as a gift to him,
taking from it the wisdom or message that he needs. Perhaps what he needs is simply relief from
his own problems—a few moments of forgetting when he can escape into a magical
land where anything can happen. For
instance, grief is a heavy burden and the weight of it can seem
overwhelming. Sometimes the grieving
individual needs to escape, to leave the overwhelming here-and-now behind for a
time in order to then return stronger and more able to carry the burden of
grief.
As Christmas approached, I was asked to tell stories to an
emotionally fragile classroom. A
student’s mother had committed suicide and the boy had found her body. He had chosen to attend school during the time
between his mother’s death and her funeral.
Perhaps this was his way of reaching out for normalcy in his life. My friend wanted this school day to be as
interesting as possible.
What stories should I tell? Christmas stories would seem to ignore the sadness of the occasion but to tell stories with death as a theme would not allow the children to escape for a while. I chose to tell “Dragonfly's Tale,” an ancient Zuni story. Two children were accidentally left behind in the village. The boy created a creature out of cornhusks for little sister to take her mind off her hunger and to keep her from missing her mother so much. I did not mention the death of their classmate's mother and yet through the story, messages were given that sometimes loved ones accidentally leave you behind. The person left behind has choices. Life goes on. I am convinced that this was the right story for this group of listeners to hear at this time
Every individual needs a set of
tools to cope with crisis. Sharing
stories is one way to offer these tools.
But one storyteller telling one or two or three stories is not
enough. Both children and adult
listeners need to hear many stories-- stories of magic, stories of accomplishment,
stories with moral values, historical stories, personal stories
. They need to hear the stories now—before there is a need for the inner
tools that these stories may provide.
They need to hear many storytellers, many different stories, and the
same stories over and over again. Yes,
one storyteller is not enough, but one storyteller is a beginning—one way to
place tools for living into the hearts and memories of listeners!
Copyright
1999 Rose Owens
This
is the text of the article as it was printed in Storytelling Magazine,
July/August, 2000. The Magic Brush is an
example of a story that contains tools for coping.
retold by Rose Owens
In a faraway place and a faraway
time there once lived a young boy named Ma Lien. He suffered economic and emotional
hardship. He was discriminated
against. He had the courage to dream. Ma
Lien’s dream became reality largely through his own
efforts. These words might also describe
someone in the here and how. This
timeless quality in the story of “The Magic Brush” opens the possibility for Ma
Lien to become a role model for listeners who need emotional survival
skills. “The Magic Brush” is a special
story containing hidden wisdom. And
equally important, it can simply be enjoyed by both teller and listener.
Bibliography
The
Bundle of Sticks (cooperation, unity)
“The Bundle of Sticks” (Aesop), The Book of Virtues, William J. Bennett, ed.,
Simon & Schuster,
Dragonfly’s
Tale (consequences of choices, death,
abandonment, grief and healing)
Dragonfly’s Tale, Kristina Rodanas, Clarion Books,
The
King’s Hawk (anger, impulsiveness, consequences of
choices)
“The King and His Hawk,”
retold by James Baldwin, The Book of Virtues, William J. Bennet, Simon and
Mucky
Moose (teasing, bullying, consequences of
impulsive behavior)
Mucky Moose, Jonathan Allen, Aladdin Paperbacks,
The
Story Spirits (revenge)
“The Story Spirits” (